I wore my sackcloth and ashes hard over my previous sex deviations for a few years, at first I really hated myself for what I'd "done." The "dog" thing was the worst guilt trip I suppose. I felt a total pervert for actually "doing it" with dogs but I told myself mentally that it had all been down to his 'encouragement'. I'd done it all "for him", not me. He "made" me... I know now this was totally untrue but in my mind then I had started to believe it myself! I brainwashed myself into a sort of mental 'get out'. It all creased me mentally after the divorce, for perhaps three years in all. I felt awful and just shut it all out, I really did feel like a pervert over my past. I hated sex or even feeling remotely sexy myself. I shut sex out. Paddy married his "cabin boy" after our divorce and being a sailor like him she was much more "use" to him in the boatyard. The business got back on its feet again (in truth due to her partnership influx) and I decide to leave the South Coast and all. "We'll talk tonight," she said when I wanted to resume our conversation about Jake Trainer. "I'll close my door and we can have a private conversation." Did your dad give you any more shit about changing your clothes in front of me?" I told you I don't want to talk about yesterday here. We'll talk tonight," she snapped, later apologizing for her outburst as we parted.I noticed that she no longer touched me or clung to me as she had before our Friday night motel-room date. It made me wonder if she was losing interest or if it had something to do with Jake Trainer."Call me, I'll be waiting," she said."Are you sure this is the color they wanted?" Jimmy asked as soon as I found him and Davey on the back side of the house. I was there to let them know that I would be working with Charles but when I saw how the new light green was covering the old glossy yellow paint I decided to change my plans. The yellow was showing through."I never should have let them pick that color," I lamented.We.
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